"army mode"

I find that when my husband is getting ready to go away for a while he spends his last day at home very hesitant to get involved with the workings of the house and tends to be a bit of a jerk to everyone.  I call this "army mode".  From what I understand, it's his subconscious way of making the act of leaving a little easier on him.  I'll admit, it drives me insane!!!  My husband is generally very involved with things in the house and very attentive to the members of our family.  It's almost like he wants us not to want him here so he doesn't have to feel bad about leaving.  I always try to get the issues resolved before he walks out the door as I tend to over analyze things if I am left too long to rethink them.  I will admit that I tend to blow things a little out of proportion if I can't deal with them immediately, it's something that I have been trying my entire life to fix.  I haven't yet managed to make that happen!

This whole "army mode" thing is something I've struggled with for a long time.  I try my best to always leave things on a good note with everything I do, that's who I am.  I'm sure I drive my husband insane with my need to discuss things until I feel better, especially the night before he goes away.  I just want it to be a happy goodbye, obviously I will miss him like crazy but I want that last smile to be one that will stick in my brain until I get to see him again.  I never know when the next time I will speak to him will be, I don't want negative feelings to get in the middle of our great relationship.

I can honestly say that no amount of "army mode" or beast visits will make me love him any less, send me a little closer to boarding the crazy train perhaps, but never make me love him less.

Why?

I have always known that there were many of us going through the same thing behind closed doors at the same time.  I guess I didn't realize how many of us feel the same way, completely alone.  I have recently been thanked quite a bit for writing my blog, it has given some people a small amount of relief knowing that they are not alone in this.  I wish that there were a more personal way than being on the other end of a computer somewhere out there for us all to reassured.  The methods they have come up with so far aren't working as no one I have spoken to feels comfortable going outside their little box for fear of rumours and fallout with partner's careers.  This is bull$*%#!  Sorry for the direct language but there isn't really any other descriptive work that quite covers it.

In this community we seem to band together for a deployment and there's a ton of moral support from other spouses and then they come home and we're all on our own.  I remember feeling like I had crawled into a hole and became invisible.  No one came to my door anymore and the coffee dates stopped.  Why do we do this to each other?  Why is this community more apt to discuss others behind their backs than checking to see if the other is ok.  I will admit to having been guilty of this in the past, and then I felt the other side of that sword, take it from me, it's not nice.  I have tried ever since to stay out of those circles and have found myself very isolated because of it. 

So here's my question, and I would love feedback... 

If serving with the military creates a brotherhood seldom found elsewhere, why isn't there a sisterhood with their partners?