I was reading a US military spouse's blog today and found it funny (in a very off kilter kind of way) that she referred to her husband's PTSD as "The Beast". It's actually fairly accurate! If any of you have dealt with someone with PTSD (diagnosed or undiagnosed) and you look at an episode and how it plays out, "the beast" makes a great deal of sense.
Take my sarcastic, joke-cracking husband for example. When he isn't mid PTSD episode, he's the life of the party, constantly cracking jokes at everyone's expense and behaving like a large child. He dances in public and acts like an idiot on a regular basis, he sure is memorable! Then take him when he has a flair up, and you will see the exact opposite. He is angry and vicious, going straight for the jugular. When he is mid episode, anything you say can and will most definitely be used against you, it's awful. Many things that he would never say in a million years otherwise come straight at you like daggers. This is "the beast", I love my husband with all my heart and would do anything for him, but I will admit, I hate "the beast" with a passion.
It gives me great pride and joy to admit that "the beast" doesn't show up in my house as often anymore as we got through the worst part of healing together. But sometimes that creature rears it's ugly head around here and makes me want to hide until it leaves again. Thank you Ativan for making these "visits" shorter!
I attribute some of this healing process to our efforts last summer with WoundedWarriors.ca and connecting with so many amazing people who are at varying stages of recovery. It made us realize that we are not alone in this struggle and somehow that made it easier. I'm happy to say that I also have full permission from him to write this blog as we have nothing to hide. This disorder is what it is and hiding isn't going to change it.
Thank you for your words and insight. I am a female disabled veteran, ..and I refer to my sudden collapse of my self, my moods, my care for everything except me me me...as a festered boil. When this "boil" reaches a head...and pops!... It is not pleasant. Untreated... That "boil" is likely to reoccur for years, or decades even. However when this thing I refer to as my "festering boil" receives proper medical attention..... Then nothing festers and nothing POPs!
ReplyDeleteMy last episode was last fall while assisting my daughter with her newborn baby. I don't even know what I had said.... But I cried and I raised my voice... And I blamed my daughter for my mood. It makes no sense to me,... But it happens. I guess I know that the person I love most will receive the worst of my rage. My doctor says it is my hormones....I know better. I hope this helps someone. I hate to make the ones I love get stressed and scared. I wish it would never happen